Things We Hold on to.....

The importance of forgiveness is discussed in just about every religious doctrine, every spiritual leader, tells us that this is necessary to achieve closeness with God or our own spiritual wholeness. “Forgive us our trespasses- as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Yes, I went to Catholic school for 12 years of my life, and I remember this part of the Lord’s Prayer so vividly since I’ve mouthed these words hundreds of thousands of times. However, I never really paid them much attention, since their true meaning likely went way over my head. When I was angry at a friend, or my own mother, when planning my retaliation against whomever I felt wronged by, I never thought about forgiving their trespasses. In fact the only trespasses I wanted forgiven were mine. Not that I was a vengeful child, I just held on to things, tidbits, and tokens, and unknowingly anger, hurt and resentment. I wasn’t even aware that some of the “things,” I was hoarding were eating away at me, stunting my growth and potential and allowing me to stay emotionally in the past-emotionally stuck at the age I was when I felt wronged. You see, you can’t hold on to negative feelings like anger, hurt and resentment without staying in and wallowing in that hurt. You have to actively conjure up the memory of the negative acts or situations in order to keep that hurt alive.

We fool ourselves into thinking that grudges only harm the people at which we direct them, but we harm ourselves, our families and loved ones by choosing to limit our emotional availability because we’ve reserved so much space in our hearts for resentment and anger. We choose to hold on to those trespasses against us in hopes that the “responsible party,” will come to us begging for forgiveness, so they will realize the atrocity of the sin they committed against us and therefore feel some of the pain they’ve caused. Remember in the movie, “A Christmas Story,” when Ralphie wishes that he will develop soap poisoning and go blind because he was forced to sit with soap in his mouth as punishment for cursing? He fanaticizes about the scene and smiles to himself while imagining his parent’s regret and sorrow, “yeah that’ll teach them,” he thinks. Maybe you don’t dream about being blind, but you think about that day when, “they’ll be sorry.” Only, it probably won’t come, and if it does it might not be good enough to erase the feelings you’ve nurtured within yourself. If you held on to these feelings you’ve nurtured and fed them, you may think you haven’t but how else did you keep them alive? They may be bigger and stronger than any apology, groveling and pleading your offender can offer.  You can decide right now to let go, you can forgive- those who have wronged you, those who have hurt you and especially yourself. Forgive yourself for all the things you believe you have done wrong, all the ways in which feel you have been less than perfect or just plain no-good. Chances are if you are harboring resentments towards others you have created twice as many ill-feelings about yourself.

Forgiveness by no means is an easy feat. Its work, but it’s worthwhile. I started my own forgiveness exercise as part of my spiritual growth journey, when I started to notice that there was blockage, something preventing me from progressing. I had no idea that I was holding on to any real anger or resentment, but as I worked through the steps, I discovered many “wrongs,” some from early childhood that were still there growing and taking up space that I needed for growth. I started by taking a real inventory of my hurt. You can do this by being honest with yourself about all the times you’ve been wronged, write all the details that you remember, including names and offenses. Include what comes to mind when you think of hurt, anger and resentment, whether the offender is aware or not, whether it is someone you love or someone you barely know, alive or dead, list them. Then choose to actively free yourself through forgiveness. Now, forgiveness does not mean that you need to forget, that’s unrealistic and not wise to do, but through forgiveness you can stop hurting yourself with the memory of the event, stop waiting for the day of repentance. Forgiveness also does not mean that you must seek the person out who hurt you, or befriend them, in some cases you need to mentally release the hurt along with the person. Finally, choose an exercise or plan to start working on forgiveness. There are many effective forgiveness exercises out there to choose from. Pick one and decide to free yourself from continued hurt and stifled development. Decide to love and cherish the whole you including your potential.Most sincerely yours,The Wellness Hunter

http://www.happiness-information.com/forgiveness-exercises.html

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/02/10/the-forgiveness-excercise-blog/

Great books on the topic or featuring the topic:

The Art of Forgiving, by Lewis Smedes

Tapping the Power Within, by Iyanla Vanzant